Surviving to Thriving....

 

As a coach they say you are your first client and the changes you make reflect authentically in how you live your day to day life. Here's my holistic health journey. 

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Body confidence and weight management

We forget within the unsupportive cultural messages about the female body, what miracles our bodies are capable of and all the ways we should celebrate and support being a women. Losing baby weight for me took time, breastfeeding made me hungry! Feeling good about your body after its been through so many changes can be challenging and lead us down a path of self criticism and self loathing. i learnt to accept the changes as natural, feeling gratitude for all the things my body does for me every day and marvel in wonder at all the feminine stages we go through and our body's ability to give birth to life and re-define beauty and love my body for all the things it does to carry me and care for me. Radical acceptance for our bodies as we gently go through the stages of life can be a challenging process and tending to my body's needs with compassion and letting go of old attachments to how we once looked. Here's the thing I learnt, no matter how thin you get, increase your breast size insert whatever it is you don't like, you always find a new fault not to like, it's a lose-lose until you find acceptance. 

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Living in survival mode in parenthood

I never put myself first I have not always given myself the space to dream or permission to let our desires & passions come to the surface. Not prioritising being my fullest expression and making the most of this one wild & precious life. True self care is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from. Rebalancing the work load, making some sacrifices, prioritising what you can drop and what adds real value to your life. Committing to choosing you and making healthy habits stick, for many years now I've not compromised on my Saturday morning runs with a friend and after I feel a million times better, the endorphins are rushing and I'm ready to take on the day and enjoy time with family. let feeling express and put the goal aside. Investing in your self and putting on your own oxygen mask first and not just cliches. Asking yourself how you are being called to bring more balance and harmony into your life. Reclaiming time for me was so needed when you can feel your nervous system is dysregulated and you've given to everyone else and your own cup is drained. When I gifted myself a beautiful group coaching course called 'Finally Me' it felt so affirming to use the time to dial into my own needs and long term desires, getting to my North Star and journaling and meditating and having the benefits of a coach reminded me of the passions that lit me up and how I could find time for them and bring in beautiful rituals into my day like X, brought me into alignment with my values so I could live more authentically and gave me clarity on my direction, get clear on my needs and how I could better meet them for myself and prioritise them in amongst those of my family. 

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Regaining My Energy

aside When I gotten clear about the role food was making me feel I got really interested in the role of my hormones and a women's cycle. Having used hormone contraception all my adult life I wanted to feel and observe my body's natural cycle especially as I get closer to peri-menopause. Never having had any symptoms I had linked to hormonal imbalance before it was quite unexplored at that point. However, lifestyle puts our mis-understood hormones to work against us which at times as left me wondering why I have low energy or not able to operate at full capacity all the time, till I realised we are not supposed to. Understanding my cycle so I could support my body as best as possible with the hormones it needs to make at different times of the month as well as to be in flow with each phase of my cycle in terms of what my body was doing and knowing the right types of food for each of your hormones, what to eat to increase my mood and when to do what type of exercise to support my energy levels. Before that I had gotten very interested in Fasting as a tool for autophagy and healing but when I understood how differently women fast to men due to our hormones I sat and listened to how to fast and eat in harmony with my cycle.

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Eating from a reactive place without planning. We've all done it. Grabbing whatever our cravings dictate, riding the sugar and caffeine highs and lows just to get through the day. 

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Managing my food cravings, bad food habits and blood sugar Lorem Growing up with an autoimmune disease as a Coeliac equated for me, to a constant need to watch what I ate and this need to restrict so many foods led me to comfort eat and overcompensate with high sugar foods like chocolate and sweets. Into adulthood then getting to know what my body needed on all levels, healing my gut from not following a gluten free diet in my 20's and looking at the emotional relationship with food that this restriction and reward stye of eating had created was transformational. I found healthier go-to snacks to grab on the go, hydration levels, habits like finishing the food leftover on my kids plates, taking a look at the content of my food trolley, meal planning and falling in love with cooking and upp'ing my knowledge of nutrient dense, nutritious foods so I could nourish myself from the inside out. 

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Finding time to exercise & delving into different types of exercise to get to a happy weight, get stronger and more toned. Bringing up children and always being on the go, finding any number of reasons why "I don't have time" to exercise or look after myself when in fact making changes to my physical post pregnancy body to build up the core again, get fitter and stronger should have been a priority that led to better self-care. Being someone who is passionate about fitness in many forms I enjoyed delving deeper to understand how different types of exercise can have different benefits and some more unexpected types can help manage your weight and give a leaner more toned physique. 

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Understanding why food was an emotional crutch. You are the person who knows how to love yourself the most. 

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Living in survival mode, regaining my energy post kids. Our exhausted nervous systems 

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Connecting to the power of nature 

I've always had a very outdoor lifestyle right back to childhood. Living in alignment with nature's balance of seasons xxx. I now love harnessing the power of nature to connect me back to myself, put things in perspective and get out of my head and into my body and give myself that sense of peace and harmony. 

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What was holding me back 

Lots of things can hinder our progress such as the level of uncertainty in our life we can comfortably live with. When I became more aware of the brain and fear based thinking from our mind telling us things to keep us safe, an ancient safety survival mechanism rooted in the amygdala they had less of a role in my decision making and helped me to come from a place of love. But for me part of what was holding me back from making changes in finding my purpose was pressure I put on myself to figure it out - grasping and striving at x which I leaned into understanding quite a bit. Self doubt, listening to our inner critic and how we talk to ourselves, our limiting beliefs and old stories we tell ourselves from our experiences in life, upbringing and conditioning.  When we look closer at these stories and whether they are really true we learn a lot. Learning how to break down my goals, how to form habits, giving myself grace when I fell off the bandwagon, building my resilience to set backs, 

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Reclaiming forgotten identity, sense of purpose and expansion since motherhood

Sometimes it seems like people have it all figured out - the great career, the salary, the next course to take but the truth is we are all evolving and are faced with different challenges. For me as a multi-passionate person who is fascinated by continuous personal growth finding my ikigai, if you know the term, and designing my ideal life took a lot of soul searching, self knowledge, deep enquiry into what really lights me up and getting clear on my vision and values then integrating them into every area of my life, freedom to express and tweaking them as I continue to evolve to be reflective of the person I'm becoming. Knowing there is a gift weighted down in me trying to work its way to the surface. Finding this gift is our thanks, is our note of appreciation, our offering to the feast of life. Aligning them to how I wanted to bring my talents and abilities and envisioning my contribution to the world creating something I felt proud of, I had to try a lot of things, see what fitted me and trust that each step was a fairy light along the path taking me intentionally along the winding road of life. It was comforting when I became aware that life is our best teacher and our curriculum is perfectly tailored to what we need to learn. However, this journey can be intensified by motherhood when we give ourselves selflessly to bringing up tiny humans, we kind of forget who we are. Our new role changes our priorities and ways of living. The truth is that we are living out our purpose everyday in our way of 'being' as well as the work we are 'doing' and how we show up in the world. Our actual real purpose in the broadest spiritual sense is to be Love. Breakthroughs and expansion usually hits us either through inspiration or challenge and both are invitations to take on new experiences, feel our feelings, make decisions, deal with struggles and make space to grow again. Mentally leaning into enjoying the process instead of trying to have it all figured out and getting frustrated. We all know better than anyone else what we need when we get still, go inside, use tools such as visualisation, get curious about the conditioning that got us to external goals such as a job we might not love, then take time to figure it out what intrinsically motivates you. 

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Examining the cult of intensive motherhood

Trying to live up to the time-devouring insanely high standards set for Mothers today is endemic. Hyper parenting means not feeling like we're doing enough even though the amount of time and intensity of that time spent with our children has increased. Through parents unfulfilled dreams, praising scores over effort and our education systems academic markers of success, so many people have been raised to believe our worth is equal to our accomplishments. I learnt that whilst momentum feels good but the happiness comes from the process of progress and growth, not from the result. Many of us work in jobs often with family-unfriendly policies. I'd feel guilty if I heard: Mummy, why aren't you at my sports matches every time? Explaining that "Mummy is working and has other responsibilities and reminding them of all the great things this facilitates like quality time on holiday together. Becoming a Mum carries all sorts of labels and expectations of us from other parents and can exacerbate our perfectionism tendencies and guilt which is really unhealthily. I laugh at myself that I've run around my house tidying the dishes and making the house look like some ressemblance of order when a new school Mum drops off for a playdate as I self impose a feeling of judgement peppered with apologies in case she casts a critical eye. In reality I doubt she cared or even noticed! Just being grateful for the free time and can't wait to skip out of the door to grab a cup of coffee and a few minutes peace. But we still feel the need to apologise. The notion that women can do it all and are expert multi-taskers organising Jonny's playdate whilst taking a work call and the badge of honour we wear as we recount all the things we done that day puts out the status quo that life is some kind of competition and that's what we should be doing all the time at the sacrifice of our own peace. Reframing your own expectations of yourself, keeping things in perspective, flowing with the current of the river of life and prioritising the things important to your family without comparing yourself to other parents helped me to let go more. In addition, with the term 'good girl' lavished on some people growing up turns into a behaviour of people pleasing where we do everything for our kids which leads to us feeling resentful, exhausted and can take us off our path of our own truth of remembering who we are and not meeting our own needs.  Feeling guilty - how can it be that waking my children that I love each day and seeing their faces isn't always one of the favourite parts of my day? Sometimes being on tenterhooks about the mood they'll wake up in or whether they'll get ready quick enough to get out of the door on time for school. The attitudes, actions and way of being you model in the home environment are mirrored by your children. By having a relaxed demeanour and body language, not sweating the small stuff, having a positive attitude and energy and cultivating a sense of harmony helps everyone around you relax.

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Reclaiming my time and inner peace

I've lived a lot of life in the fast lane, being high energy I'd overschedule my days, squeezing all I could into every minute rushing from household chores, kids activities to work and other things on my to-do list contributing to the mental load without stopping to smell the roses. The irony is not lost on me when I sprint hastily to not be late for a yoga class. A good day was ticking off everything on my to-do list - prioritising 'doing' over 'being' but as a 'human being' we need to just be sometimes. Hurry and overwhelm would dysregulate my nervous system and affect how patient I was at parenting. Reframing my attitude towards time and looking at my FOMO as well as time management and saying no to social media distractions that weren't serving me and the rut of nightly TV time I was using to numb myself helped me to recharge myself and be still. Remember, what you need more than time is downtime, without stimulation. Seizing small pockets of time through the day to let in beautiful rituals into my routine allows me to reset and feel more presence and enjoyment of life. It improved my ability to think clearly, be high functioning and problem solve. Living more consciously, listening to myself and being still.  

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Feeling more joy and gratitude

Doing what you love and enjoyment of life, for me travel and adventure are a big part of me. Living abroad and studying languages and training to be a ski instructor in my 20's were things I missed as the flow of life got more 'grown up'. Being part of a community and contribution bring me great joy. Being more self-aware and staying better connected to my emotions helps me weather the storms of life and feel more gratitude for all the amazing things it's easy to take for granted such as health, family, even if it sounds cliche. One of my favourite sayings is "If you think wellness is expensive then try illness". Health should feel like a pleasure and investing in yourself is an act of self-love. 

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Connection & intimacy in relationships after children

Quality time bonding over walks or crafting and creating memories together, learning how to love each other and growing together these are the important things. But we mourn the relationship we once had when we only had each other to care for and it takes time to find new ways to connect and get intimacy.  love and remembering who we are. When there is so much to do relationships can become transactional and more of a tag team which is useful and certainly better than one person, often the women, doing it all and disempowering the others ability to think for themselves and resentment building. Don't get me wrong women usually are better at keeping on top of the mental load than men but it doesn't mean we shouldn't let them try. With friends and family, my conversations became less about off loading overwhelm as I began to make decisions, not by outsourcing them or by consensus, but by going inwards, making me the expert on me by tapping into my inner wisdom, intuition and my heart.

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The stress of juggling work & attempting conscious parenting

Sleep deprivation, working too hard, financial strain, feeling stressed or even too monotonous and not stretching enough and feeling stuck. Living from a place mentally of fear or worry or being in fight/flight mode and not being able to see new possibilities can lead us to want to control every situation including our children instead of letting them just be in a state of 'being', learn for themselves, be kids, sit with their emotions. and stops us surrendering to the sweetness of life. If you don't listen to the whisper, then the whisper gets louder & louder until it manifests as ill health, weight gain or whatever it might be. Now your body is making you pay attention to it. Listening to the body before that happens, trusting it is a beautiful sophisticated bio-computer that knows what it's doing and then unravel what you're doing wrong and allow it to heal itself by itself. Sharing the responsibilities so they feel equal and fair 

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